The Real "Skinny" on Dad's Diet

WARNING:  View this blog at your own risk.  It is intended primarily for family members, since there is a picture of a half-naked man in the video.  I am that man, and I am pretty hot, I must say . . . .


True story:  When Ladon made his grand appearance in our house for the first time, we gave him a nickle tour, which included a viewing of the family pictures on the wall.  He looked at my most favorite of all pictures, my cadet portrait.  He indelicately blurted, "My, you've aged . . . ."  Then he tried to tack on a "well!" but it was too late; he confirmed my suspicion of his bad judgment.  Here's that favorite picture:

Captain America!  Ladon, HOW COULD YOU!?!

But alas, I have aged, and not well, and I've packed on the pounds.  So I decided to go on a diet.  Here's a picture of me last October at General Conference.  You'll notice the babes I'm with, and here's this fat dumpy guy with the pudgy face!  

But we did have a big fat good time at Conference!

Oh, another true story:  When Grandma Lenhart was very near the end, she feebly called me to her bedside.  I have seen this scene a thousand times in movies and in my mind--I was sure she was going to thank me for taking such good care of her precious granddaughter (Vickie) all these years, or compliment me on the great family I've raised, or note how she always saw me as her own grandson. Well, that's not quite it.  Instead, she faintly and solemnly whispered, "Bill honey, go on a diet . . . ."


So, here I am, on a diet.


I have a pretty strict food program, and I work out religiously.  Here's my running hat.  Krista said hat's aren't so popular with runners these days, but I've already noticed the trend turning around as a result of my running.  Notice how it's pretty dang sweaty and dirty.

Browning, of course.  This had is about 15 years and 1000 miles old.

Just to compare, here's a pretty clean hat next to my running hat.

Good deal:  Any daughter (or grandkid) who wants a Browning hat, just comment on this blog and you got it!

Speaking of sweaty, that's what I get : Very Sweaty.  That's how you lose weight, after all.  Um, I'll admit I'm a little superstitious about my running clothes.  I don't wash them until I've lost ten pounds.  But that means I'll soon be on my third washing since 1 March! (I've had 62 workout sessions since then).   Here's a video of the hazards of that superstition:

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But at least I'm getting good results!  Plus, I don't have to worry about any annoying runners wanting to run with me.


Particularly important is the DIET.  I researched the internet for the best program for my body makeup, and here's how it works: (By the way, it's called the "Acid-Balance Diet" since you need to carefully monior your stomach acids so they don't eat through the stomach walls).


BREAKFAST:  As you can see, a typical breakfast is one CORN FLAKE (don't worry, I always choose a big one), TWO ALMONDS (good for protien fiber), a three-inch line of toothpaste (Crest is my favorite, and it also helps your breath and negates the stomach acid), and a dill pickle (zero calories, and plenty of flavor.  But unfortunately, it also augments the acid).  Oh, and you can have all the GRASS you can eat.  Unfortunately, I have to select grass from Doug and Sydney's  "Territory," so I try to wash it as best I can (Doug and Sydney are our family dogs).  Fortunately, I don't usually want a lot of grass.

The toothpaste line is surprising filling!  Plus, good on your breath and best eaten after the grass.

LUNCH:  I really look forward to this meal, because I usually work out prior to lunch, so I'm famished!  As you can see, I get an ORANGE PEEL (not the orange, too much sugar, but the peel has lots of Vitamin C and D), a FULL TABLESPOON OF SALT (and I mean a heaping helping, and a big tablespoon), a QUARTER CUP OF POPCORN SOAKED IN WATER (not sure what that does, but I suspect it helps with clearing out the digestive system, because that's exactly what I get the next morning), and a PENCIL TO CHEW ON (no kidding, a 7-inch pencil will last about 30 minutes, and some brands are pretty satisfying).

Grapefruit peels are also good--you can eat them like potato chips (which are NOT on the approved diet list).

DINNER:  This took me a while to adjust to, but it's really KEY to the success of the diet.  I can only LOOK AT PICTURES OF FOOD, but I try to choose good pictures of healthy food, as you can see in the pic.  Also, I get 3/4 glass of water, which is great, because the diet doesn't allow for any fluids during the day.  And you can choose a second pencil if necessary.  And occasionally, I'll take a REALLY LONG SMELL of Vickie's and Summer's dinner, which works well if I put my nose right on the food.

I like pictures of salmon, lobster, cheesecake, bing cherries and waternelon.  That combo seems most filling to me.

JUST KIDDING!!!  I have a pretty normal diet, including a big breakfast (like bacon, eggs, and grapefruit this morning).  I try to avoid carbs, and keep the calories around 1500/day, more or less (about 400 - 600 per meal).  I also don't eat ANY PROCESSED SUGAR . . . NONE.  None of Mom's awesome chocolate chip cookies, no brownines, no M&Ms (oh, that's hard), no soda, etc.  NO SUGAR!  It's not that difficult after a few days.  I rarely feel hungry.  And I drink water like a fish--easily two gallons a day.  I think I've developed a tube that goes directly from my throat to my drainage system . . . .


And as I mentioned, I work out a lot--about six days a week.  I run one day, then lift weights the next.  Run lift, run lift, etc.  I'm up to 6 miles in 60 minutes, and three circuits on my weight machine.  


Here's a graph of my weight loss since 1 March 2011.  As you can see, I'm approaching 30 pounds total weight loss.  I started around 205.  I had a little blip while in Boston for the marathon, but it was worth it: Texas Roadhouse, Olive Garden, and endless snacks--YUM!  My goal is 40 pounds loss, or 165 lbs.  I should get there by mid-June, unless there is another marathon. (This is my real chart, by the way).

I've been pretty consistent with my rate of weight loss.  It's actually fun to watch it happen.

Here's a pic of me after running:

Just kidding.  Here's a real pic of me after running

Ran 3.1 miles today in 30:41, which includes a big hill at the end.  Whew!

Here's a pic of me and Mom.  OH, MOM IS ALSO LOSING WEIGHT.  She's lost about 8 pounds recently.  Loooooking goooood Mom!  When I told Mom we were going to take a picture, she said (I kid you not) "We should take a picture of our butts!"  That Mom . . . .

This reminds me of when we gave Jamie a hint about her birthday present by making this face.  She said "A baby alive!"  Not sure why.  No, it was a fish.  That Jamie . . . .

Just kidding.  That was our fish face.  Here are our real diet faces:

Who needs to see a butt when you can see faces like this?!?  Wait, that didn't come out right . . . .

And how 'bout Summer?  Of course, she doesn't need a diet; she's a knockout!  Here's a picture of her on the last day/week/month/semester/year of her high school career:

Congratulations Summer!  You are the most amazing kid we've ever seen!  Keep up the good work!

Well (as Ladon would say), that's the real "skinny" on our dieting!


Love, Grandbill